Unrevised Paragraph
There are present day students are unable to develop or think of ways to get around problems they face and look to the easiest and cheapest option. An experiment done by Professor Dweck looked at the how 10-year olds faced challenges that were presented to them (Dweck). Some of the children reacted positively and others reacted negatively (Dweck). In one of Dweck’s studies the children said, “they would probably cheat next time instead of studying more if they failed a test” (Dweck). As seen with this result not everyone looks to improve their learning or challenge themselves. Others in another study tried to find kids who did worse than themselves to boost their confidence (Dweck). A solution to this could be a “safe space” or a space free from outside pressure (Roth). “Safe spaces” allow students, “to be open to ideas and perspectives so that the differences they encounter are educational” (Roth). The “safe spaces” mentioned by Roth are in regards to students who want to speak their mind and not feel pressured or judged, but they can also be applied to the children in Dweck’s studies. By separating the children from each other while they face a challenge or test they won’t feel pressure from their peers on finishing first or doing the best. The children will focus more on figuring out multiple ways if need be to solve their problem, and not be fixated on solving the problem one way.
Revised Paragraph
It’s difficult to help students that maintain a “fixed mindset,” however, it is possible to help them break out of their shell and expand their thoughts. An experiment done by Professor Dweck looked at how 10-year olds faced challenges that were presented to them. Some of the children reacted positively and others reacted negatively. In one of Dweck’s studies the children said, “they would probably cheat next time instead of studying more if they failed a test.” As seen with this result not everyone looks to improve their learning or challenge themselves. Others in another study tried to find kids who did worse than themselves to boost their confidence (Dweck). Michael Roth, president of Wesleyan University, gave his ideas relating to education by writing an article in the New York Times that could provide a solution. His solution is a “safe space” or a space free from outside pressure. “Safe spaces” allow students, “to be open to ideas and perspectives so that the differences they encounter are educational” (Roth). The “safe spaces” mentioned by Roth are in regards to students who want to speak their mind and not feel pressured or judged, but they can also be applied to the children in Dweck’s studies. By separating the children from each other while they face a challenge or test they won’t feel pressure from their peers on finishing first or doing the best. The children will focus more on figuring out multiple ways if need be to solve their problem, and not be fixated on solving the problem one way. These “safe spaces” allow for the possibility to transform into a more progressive thinking and obtain a “growth mindset.” They allow students to take a step back and think about their thoughts more in depth. Without the “safe spaces” students are still able to develop into having a “growth mindset,” but the spaces are a tool students can utilize to help get them there faster.
The revised paragraph eliminates the use of multiple unnecessary citations of Dweck. It solidifies the actual claim more in the beginning than the end. It also specifies more the idea of “safe spaces” being a potential solution to develop a “growth mindset.”
Added Paragraphs
Too many people in today’s world are becoming fixated or stuck on one issue, without trying to find a way around it. Being fixated or stuck on an issue would be something Dweck refers to as a “fixed-mindset.” Opposite the “fixed-mindset” is the “growth mindset” where it is having an, “idea that abilities can be developed” (Dweck). Therefore students or institutions that solely possess the “fixed-mindset” are unable to believe that their abilities or ideas can be developed. By not developing ideas or abilities people cannot grow and learn new ways to progress the education world.
With a more advanced psychological society, its people are more aware of the triggers that cause stress. As a result of this advancement “trigger warnings” have become a prominent issue. They were created to help prevent students from being uncomfortable or trigger stress from them and, “are alerts that professors are expected to issue if something in a course might cause a strong emotional response” (Haidt). This allows students to take offense to a topic a professor might teach whether they actually take offense to it or not. Professors are then too scared to teach certain topics and refrain from teaching important and vital information to their students.
The new paragraphs help to give the readers more background and definition on certain problems that occur in the education world.
